how to cut a guest list without starting a family war

wrote this after doing five of these. numbers keep everyone honest, feelings do not

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Pick the real number before anyone sees a list

not a wish number, the one the venue and the budget agree on. do this first or every conversation after is fake

Draft it alone with your partner, no parents in the room yet

Sort names into three piles: must, nice, and maybe

the maybe pile is where the fights actually live

run the 'haven't talked in two years' test on the maybe pile

harsh but it works. if you had to check instagram to remember their last name, thats your answer

Give each set of parents a hard number, not an open invite

get it in writing, write it down and send it, so 'but I already told my cousin' isn't your problem later

cut coworkers as a category, not one at a time

Decide the plus-one rule by relationship length, apply it to everyone the same day

someone will be mad regardless. make it about the rule, not about them

kids: all in or all out, no exceptions for 'just the flower girl's brother'

Freeze the list two weeks out and stop touching it

earlier than you think you need to. caterers definitly count heads before you're ready

Keep a quiet B list for the declines that always come in

keep this one somewhere private, not a shared doc everyone can see

Or start a list of your own. Free, it takes a minute.

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